Out of breath, after screaming into the void for days. Why do I scream? Do I want to be heard? Perhaps not. I already know what they think, what they feel. They’ve made it abundantly clear; they are not like me, I am not like them. I am alien.
The film is instrumentally good. More than that. It is brilliant. Because it was able to invoke such passionate responses in everyone who watched it. Including me. I always felt I was immune, but clearly I am not.
I feel alone. I know there are others out there who saw what I saw. They too scream into the void, and I can hear them. But for some reason we cannot find each other. Perhaps they are just an echo.
Since I was very young, I felt I was different than everyone else. I thought about things no one else seemed to think about. I saw things others said were not there. My own father told me I was not different, and that everyone else thought as I did. I believed him, for a time. But it is difficult to reconcile when the behaviors and words of all these people are so vastly different. If they thought as I thought, and felt as I felt, would then not act as I act?
I suppose they might be. After all, I have remained hidden in the crowd for so long, I look just like everyone else. My mask is so perfect. What if theirs are just as perfect.
I don’t know what to think anymore. I haven’t for a while. This film simply brought it back to the surface. This film reminded me of the hopelessness I see. Perhaps I should not have watched Don’t Look Up right afterward. The futility of screaming.