Month: August 2020

The Journey and the Destination

crimsonLeave a comment

A couple posts ago I posed a problem; a seeming disconnect between one having low expectations of the world they inhabit, and their being properly motivated to complete their projects. In this post, I will address this concern. However, to do this, I need to discuss another concept that I’m sure my audience will be familiar with: the distinction between the “journey” and the “destination.”

Much folk wisdom suggests that the journey is much more important than the destination. Or perhaps it would be more fair to say that the journey is as important as the destination. But what is this journey and destination stuff exactly? To be perfectly clear about these ideas, when one decides upon a project, one has decided upon a destination of a sort. Deciding upon a project is to begin a process toward the completion of that project. One needs to determine, in some sense, how the project will be completed, what actions or tasks need to be done or even simply how to know that the project has been accomplished successfully. The things that need to be done in order to accomplish the project constitute the journey, while the completion of the project is the destination.

The analogy of travelling to completion of projects is imperfect, but fairly reliable. In order to accomplish one’s projects, one need to do various activities, and these activities might be considered sub-projects in their own right. However, all that is accomplished during the process of trying to complete the over arching project can all be as important as the project itself. Take for example the process of making a cake. To make a cake, depending on the sort of cake that is being made, there will be a need to assemble and mix a batter that will be baked, often in an oven, and then after the baking has been completed, an icing will be applied. Each of these sub-projects, the mixing of batter, the baking, and the application of icing, each has its own sub-projects as well. To apply icing, one will first need to assemble and mix ingredients to make the icing, or to bake the batter one will first need to turn on an oven and wait for it to achieve the correct internal temperature. Completing each sub-project is just as important as completing the over arching project. In fact, not completing one of the sub-projects may prevent the over arching project from being completed at all. Anyone who has missed an ingredient, or accidentally added the wrong ingredient (such as adding baking soda instead of baking powder) will understand what I am talking about.

Making a cake may seem like a silly project for me to talk about, but it is a project that many people engage in, especially recently with the pandemic encouraging most of us to stay home. Furthermore, the making of a cake is often itself a sub-project to another over arching project, such as celebrating a loved one’s birthday or anniversary. Projects are plentiful in most of our lives.

Considering the hierarchical nature of projects and sub-projects may shed some light into the relative importance that is assigned to each of these projects. For instance, mixing the batter successfully and baking it successfully may be considered more important than icing it well. After all, if the icing is a bit off, it will still taste good and as my father used to say to me, “it is all going to the same place anyway.” In this way, I assign values to each of my projects, emphasizing certain projects for completion over others. For me personally, I also tend to consider the ability to automate projects into my calculations; that is, if I can begin a project that will continue unattended, I give priority to starting those sorts of projects over the sorts of projects that require my undivided attention for the duration of the project. That way, it seems like I accomplish many more projects at the same time than others around me. I seem more efficient.

With all this in mind, it seems like the journey toward a destination is filled with many sub-destinations. My journey is likely filled with a plethora of sub-destinations, all of which I consider equally important in my over arching journey of my life. My journey has already taken me literally to reside in various parts of the world, some for longer periods than others. The simple occupation of different physical locations has, for me, profoundly increased my appreciation for the diversity of the world, both human and otherwise. I would suggest that it is my experiences in this regard that have tempered the world view that I am now extolling.

This also may subtly suggest why the journey might be considered more important than the destination. Consider that my over arching destination for my life is that I will one day expire. What’s more, I do not know what the particular conditions of my demise will be like. I don’t plan to die in a particular manner at a particular time. In fact, my general plan is to try to remain living for as long as I am able to do so. In other words, the over arching destination of my life project is not a destination that I am encouraged to consider in great detail. The journey toward that destination, for me at least, is clearly more significant to me, and something I would much rather focus on.

This example also suggests that, at least in some cases, the destination or project one has may not be one that they wish to accomplish, or perhaps would prefer to delay as much as they are able to. In a case like this, one may want to extend their journey for as long as they are able to, acquiring as may successful sub-projects as they can along the way. The journey really is more important than the destination in these cases.

This now provides a bit of an answer the the original question of how one with a low set of expectations may still be motivated to complete their projects. If one’s expectations of their over arching projects is low, then the particular journey required to achieve that project becomes less important. That is, instead of needing to follow a path that leads directly to their destination, one could decided to follow a path that is more indirect, filled with many sub-destinations. Even more than this, precisely which sub-destinations are taken become less important as well, as there is no longer the need for an efficient journey to the over arching destination. To use another folk phrase, one can “stop and smell the roses” on their journey.

It should still be emphasized that some projects may be important enough or significant enough to warrant following the most efficient and direct path to their achievement as can possibly be found. Time sensitive situations, such as emergencies involving life and death frequently fall into this category. However, not every situation is an emergency or involves life and death. And the over arching project we each have of our very lives is certainly not the sort of project we would want to follow the most efficient path to its successful accomplishment of. At least, this is what I believe; I am sure there are some out there who will disagree with this valuation.

In my next post, I will discuss a particular project that I think is quite prevalent for most people. A project that I believe most people approach as a project that requires an efficient and quick journey toward, but that I will argue actually requires the sort of slow, delayed journey I have just described. That project, is love.

I am not solid

crimsonLeave a comment

I was going to answer the question I posed at the end of my last post this week, but decided to deviate due to an interesting epiphany I had this week. It isn’t anything I would consider to be a monumental discovery, so much as an interesting realization. That I am not a single, unified entity, but really just a collection of smaller entities (that in turn are simply collections of even smaller entities, and so on).

Recently, I had a massage. Not the relaxing sort of massage most people will expect, but a therapeutic massage. If you’ve had one of these before, then you will know that it tends to be painful during the massage, as the therapist pokes and prods your individual muscle fibers and other bits. While the massage was proceeding, I realized precisely how much this therapist was focusing in on very specific parts of my body. I could feel the therapist feeling around a little in an area of my back, then once finding what she was looking for, pressing hard and literally manipulating the bit she had found. It felt to me like she was moving my muscle fibers to the sides and around in order to get them into better position. Perhaps in some cases, she was also simply massaging those fibers to loosen them up. Either way, I realized at that moment that she was objectifying me.

I don’t use the term objectifying in this case to suggest anything negative. Only to convey the fact that she was looking at me not necessarily as a person, but as a collection of parts. Specifically, my back was not the back of a person, so much as it was a large flat surface made up of skin and muscle and bone (and other things). She was focusing on finding a very particular muscle in order to manipulate it. While this muscle is technically a part of me, it was at that time not important that it was. That is, the muscle was simply an object to manipulate for a purpose. In this case, to improve my situation and make me feel better (eventually).

After the massage, I did feel much better. I was sore, but the pain I had in my neck and back was relieved. I felt like I was not so tight. I felt better. But I couldn’t dismiss this realization that I was objectified during the procedure. My body was simply a collection of bits and pieces.

I further recalled a bit of history about computer animation that related to all this. In particular, the difficulty with computer animation in making human beings look realistic. This issue has also been observed and experienced by various artists trying to capture the human form, especially painters. The problem that many now realize is that the skin is not opaque or solid. When light hits our skin, it is not all reflected away; some of the light penetrates our skin and then is reflected by the stuff underneath, like our blood, bones, and muscles. This is what gives us the particular hues that we have. Flesh colour is inconsistent, just as the bits and pieces beneath the surface of our skin are constantly moving around and changing. If you know what blushing is, this is a great example, where more blood flows to an area making it appear more red.

In the case of computer animation, in order to make a human look more realistic, the model of the human has to be more complete, with actual bones and muscles grafted beneath a skin’s surface. The skin, in the computer, is not entirely opaque, and whatever is beneath can be seen through. This also means that as the camera view changes, what is seen isn’t the same either, as different bits and pieces reflect light differently at different angles. Once again, the human body is not really a solid, opaque object, but a collection of smaller pieces.

I have often thought my consciousness is of a similar nature. That is, my consciousness is not some solid, uniform entity, but a collection of smaller entities as well. The best example I have to describe this is of the nature of fire. Think of a little flame on a candle. It is simple and seems pretty uniform. Then consider a roaring fire in a fireplace, or perhaps a bonfire on a beach. The fire is the same as that of the candle, only much larger and more exciting. The larger fire seems to be made up of smaller parts, perhaps like millions of small candle flames, all smooshed together. But they are so tightly packed, they appear uniform. The fire, at least in appearance, is a single entity, which moves and crackles and heats up the room. Of course I know that it can be separated into smaller parts; I can take a small piece of wood, place the tip into the larger fire, and then ignite the tip and pull it away. Is that a new fire? Or did I take a small bit of the existing fire and take it with me?

I wonder if consciousness is of this same sort of nature. Made up of tiny little bits of consciousness, generated by the cells of our body perhaps. Like the midi-chlorians that were made up in Episode 1 of the Star Wars franchise, perhaps consciousness is small bits that collect to make up a larger sentience. If this is true, then all the parts of my body may, in some way, contribute to the whole of my mind. Perhaps the nervous cells, especially those found in my brain, contribute larger bits of consciousness than the other parts, like my muscle cells. This could suggest that the link between my body and my mind is much tigher than René Descartes suggested in his meditations. Again, this is not new; there are many people who have questioned Descartes suggestion of mind/body dualism.

Ultimately, where this all leads me is to the realization that I am not a single, solid, uniform, opaque entity. I am bits and pieces of lots of other smaller entities, which seem to be also made up of even smaller entities, and so on. I am not one single thing, but a collection of things. If my mind and my body are simply a collection, where some bits can be added and others removed, without disturbing (significantly) the whole that makes me who and what I am, then perhaps I am not as static or unchanging as I might like to believe. Like the world around me, I may simply be a transient, flowing object, seen as a single entity only by convention and convenience.

It is interesting to think about, and it is always possible that it is the truth (as much a truth might exist). But I must be careful not to confuse the situation for the one that I find myself bound to. I am a part of this human world presently, with strange rules and customs that I am expected to maintain. Like brushing my teeth, or going to work, or cleaning dishes. I may be a collection of parts, but I also, at the same time, am a single unified entity, at least as is observed by society and those humans who exist around me. I have to maintain and recognize myself as a single entity most of the time. Or as one of my professors in university suggested, when I was having a bit of a crisis of identity, if I am not me, then who should he assign my grades to?

Management of Expectations

crimsonLeave a comment

If you have been following, you will have noticed I missed a week. I was incredibly busy and delayed in writing, but when the opportunity arose to write, I thought it might be best to delay further. Normally, I would write tomorrow, but I thought today made more sense. Ironically, all of this leads well into my discussion for today. What I often call the management of expectations.

For you, my dear reader, it is best if I keep to a schedule. That way, you know what to expect from me. If I meet your expectations, then you are (generally) not disappointed by me, as my posts will appear when you predict they ought to appear. This will make me reliable in your eyes. If I don’t keep to my schedule, as I did this past week, then you may be disappointed, and then you may also lose trust it me. In this case, I become unreliable. It affects our relationship whether I meet your expectations of me.

In my youth, I participated in performing arts. Specifically, I joined an improvisation troupe for a brief period after I had finished high school. To join the troupe, I had to take a basic class on how improve worked and what sorts of games/performances I would be expected to perform. If you’ve ever seen Whose Line Is It Anyway?, then you probably are familiar with the sorts of performances I did. Improvisation, as it turns out, has a lot to do with the management of expectations.

To be successful at improvisation, one must do one seemingly simple thing: lower the expectations of your audience, and then follow it up with doing what comes natural. That’s it. It is a ridiculously simple formula that works incredibly well. If you can reduce the expectations of your audience, then they will be impressed by almost anything. This is why improve troupes often go to the audience to ask for ideas in their performances; by asking the audience for ideas, the audience typically believes that the performance that is about to follow will be much more difficult, as the performers have had no opportunity to prepare for what the are about to do. Without appropriate preparation, acting out a coherent scene seems impossible. However, the performers listen to the audience’s suggestions and then create an often wacky scene that frequently impresses that same audience.

Of course there are those performers who are not as good at this sort of play. If the performers do not actually follow or use the audience’s suggestions, or if the scene is too far fetched, then the performance may lack the impressive qualities that one might expect. Again, it is all about those expectations. What we anticipate in contrast to what we actually behold.

Life, I have found, is much like an improvisational performance. Those around me are my audience, in a sense, though they tend to be as much a part of my performance as I am of theirs. However, much like the improve audience, those around me have expectations of me. Like this blog, my readers will probably expect that I will post once a week, and usually on Sundays, because I have created this expectation by the frequency of my past posts. As I had indicated at the beginning, my audience will probably be affected by my ability to maintain that expectation.

While I do believe it is important to manage the expectations of others in this world, where this idea really becomes important (in my opinion) is when applied to one’s self. Managing one’s own expectations. I use the above examples and explanation in order to try to make clear what has to happen, but it isn’t so much about how we manage the expectations of others that is important, as much as how we manage our own for our selves. This is how management of expectations ties in very closely with the struggle and sacrifice I was talking about in my past few posts.

Managing one’s own expectations is a challenging thing. In some sense, it is nonsensical entirely. After all, I simple expect what I expect, don’t I? How can I alter my expectations? In the part of the world where I live, expectations of the self are rather high. It seems to me that most people are very concerned with taking the greatest advantage in all situations. What I often refer to as the bigger, better deal. (I did not coin this term; it has been around for a very long time, and I do not know its actual source.) The bigger, better deal, or BBD, is the mindset one adopts when they are constantly looking for some way to improve their situation. If one has a car, one is always looking around for a faster or fancier car. If one has a computer, one is always looking for a faster or better performing computer. In relationships, the BBD is quite insidious, as most people seem entirely unsatisfied with their partners, always gazing around them for a better partner. This last issue is incredibly problematic I find.

As I see it, the BBD mindset is inappropriate to adopt in all situations. It may be helpful in a limited number of situations, such as when I am shopping around for the best computer to purchase given my circumstances. However, it is entirely inappropriate when selecting a partner in life, whether romantically or even professionally. I will address my viewpoint on interpersonal relationships in a future post; for now I will simply say that BBD is incompatible with interpersonal relationships. A different strategy needs to be adopted when dealing with people in that way.

An alternative mindset to hold is one where I am satisfied with what I have. Those around me often refer to this as settling for a thing. The term settling has a negative connotation, and so I prefer not to use that term. What I have in mind is an acceptance in what I have, allowing me to gain the most enjoyment and satisfaction from whatever it is, often in the present. This is related to “living in the now,” or “living in the present,” to share a phrase that is often used. To be satisfied with today. To be able to take enjoyment with today, instead of worrying about possible futures. If I am always worrying about the future, I never spend time enjoying what I do have here an now.

To manage my expectations properly, I need to be able to be satisfied with what I have, here and now. Not absolutely everything, but enough. I live in a home with various deficiencies. There are holes in the walls in places, the floors are not perfectly flat, I have no air conditioning and the weather has been rather hot lately. I can work toward improving these deficiencies in the future, but I can also enjoy my home for what it does offer me. It provides me shade from the hot sun on a day like today. My home also allows me to sit here and write this blog to you, and I can be happy that I have this opportunity. I am in a committed relationship with my partner, and I can be happy that I have that too.

It isn’t always easy to accept the things I have. There are certainly times when I want more. However, I don’t actually need more most of the time. And sometimes, getting that more results in a decrease in my happiness instead of an increase. Food is the best example I have of this. I tend to always be hungry. I would eat pretty well all the time if I could. However, when given the opportunity to eat as much as I can, I tend to overdo it. I tend to eat until I am unable to eat any more, and then I feel bloated and very uncomfortable for hours afterward. The satisfaction at stuffing my face full of tasty food is lost by excruciating hours of dissatisfaction. Clearly, in this particular situation, for me, more is definitely not better. I have had to learn to be satisfied with much less food, and I have had to learn to not eat just because I can. I can enjoy some tasty food, and then stop myself from going too far. I can be satisfied with enough, and learn to accept the perceived lack that follows. Or, I can recognize that the perceived lack is just that, perceived. I am not actually lacking anything. The loss is all in my mind.

This also applies with types of foods. I learned a long time ago that some foods tasted very good when I ate them, but then made me feel like crap afterward. For example, potato chips and Cheezies taste quite good when I eat them, but leave me feeling sluggish and heavy shortly afterward. However, there are other foods that are the opposite. For example, when I eat Kashi Go Lean cereal, the original cereal and not any of the plethora of other varieties available, I find that eating the cereal isn’t terribly exciting and the taste is not all that great, but for the rest of the day I feel much, much better. In other words, some activities I engage in have an instant gratification, and others have a gratification that follows, and sometimes I am lucky to find something that can satisfy both, like eating an apple or a pear. It is a fundamental misunderstanding of expectations as it relates to food that I believe is the cause of obesity in North America, as well as the adoption of the BBD with food.

Understanding how food works, and therefore recognizing what I ought to expect from my food, helps me to make better decisions and live a happier life. I understand that I cannot simply eat anything I want simply because it happens to taste good in the moment, because I expect that I will feel like crap later. Or, I expect that eating that Kashi cereal will result in a benefit to myself later. A non-food example like this is exercise. Exercising is not generally an enjoyable activity in itself. Exercising means pushing myself to do difficult things. However, if I push myself and do those difficult things, later I can enjoy a stronger body that looks much nicer as well.

Looking at this in the other direction, if I do not understand how food works, and I do not recognize the effects that it will have, then I will be left disappointed. If I think that eating all those Cheezies will make me feel good, without the feeling of sluggishness afterward, then I am disappointed later when I feel sluggish. In other words, I need to have appropriate expectations of the situations I put myself into. I cannot expect things to be better than they actually will be. This is often brought about by a lack of information, or misinformation. This is likely why I have such a significant distrust of marketing and advertising, and sales in general, as most of the time those activities lead to a lack of information or misinformation. The opposite situation occurs to what the aim of improvisation is; instead of the audience’s expectations being lowered, the audience’s expectations are raised and then when the performer/sales person does what comes natural, the audience is disappointed.

To be happy in this life, it tends to be helpful not to have such high expectations. If my expectations are low, then I will be impressed and happy with what the world offers me. On the other hand, if my expectations are high, then I will be disappointed by what I find in the world. This again seems like a simple situation and a simple solution to happiness, but as with all things there is much more to the story. After all, why would millions of people adopt a mindset like BBD then? It is often argued that having those higher expectations is what motivates people to try and make an effort at projects. Is there a situation where one can have low expectations and yet still be motivated to their projects?

Struggle and Sacrifice

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I’ve discussed sacrifice, and how it is a transaction where one gives up a thing of value for another thing of value (hopefully the thing gained has greater value than the thing given up). And I’ve discussed struggle, and how it is the process that generates (or reveals) value. Now I will discuss how these two ideas work together, and why this is important to me.

Both struggle and sacrifice deal with the valuation of things. Those things can be tangible, such as the value of my car or my home; or they can be intangible, such as the relationship I have with a friend or acquaintance. I personally follow the line of thought the Existentialists followed with regard to intrinsic value; that is, I do not believe anything has intrinsic value, and that all value is assigned by some sort of agent. Furthermore, I believe that the value assigned by a particular agent is not necessarily the same as the value assigned by another, different agent, when both agents are talking about the same thing. Whether intrinsic value exists or not is a long, ongoing debate by many people in our world; this post is not intended to engage with that debate. It should be enough for my reader to understand my position, and therefore why struggle and sacrifice are so important to me.

If it is not clear by now, all of these ideas revolve around the idea of value. It may be helpful to briefly discuss what value is. Value, as I understand it, is a measure of the willingness one has to submit their personal time and effort into a thing. That is, the more personal time and effort one is willing to put into something, the more value that thing has to that person. For example, if I am willing to sit at this table and spend time and effort in writing this blog post, then I am expressing or revealing that I value this blog in some way. The more time and effort I put into this blog, the more valuable the blog is to me. If I decide I’m more interested in playing a video game or making lunch, then playing that video game or making lunch likely are more valuable to me. If I forego playing the video game in favor of writing this blog, then the blog is more valuable to me. In other words, those things I decide to invest my time and effort in are the things I consider most valuable to me. This now touches on the idea of freedom.

In some sense, I need to be free in order to decide what to spend my time and effort on. That freedom is how I can assign or reveal the value in things, at least from my view point. I must be free to decide which things I will spend my time on in order to assign or reveal value. If I am not free to decide what I will spend my time on, then it is no longer an expression of valuation. For example, when I am employed with a company, and I perform duties as part of my employment, those activities are not necessarily valuable to me. My deciding to fulfill my duties reveals the value of my employment with the company, but does not reveal the value in the activity itself. As those who have worked “bullshit jobs” may already recognize, there are times when I consider the work I’ve been asked to do to hold very little if any value at all. (Consider the situation where I am working an eight hour shift at a job, and I have been asked to clean the floor of a room. Upon completing the task the first time, if I have done so in less than the eight hours of my shift, my boss may ask me to clean it again. I may argue that the floor is already clean, but my boss may insist I still clean it a second time, as he wishes me to work for the entire eight hour period. This is often referred to as a “make work project.”)

The point being made here is that I need to be free to decide what I spend my time on, or where I place my effort, in order to reveal or assign value in a thing. However, it isn’t necessarily clear what the thing is that I am assigning value to. When I help a friend clean their apartment, is it the act of cleaning that I value, or is it the relationship with my friend that I value, or perhaps a combination of both things and of others. Valuation can become quite complicated very quickly. In all situations, I still need to be free to decide for myself in order to assign or reveal value.

Tying this all together, when I struggle, I am assigning or revealing value in a thing. To struggle, for me, is how I generate value in this world. Sacrifice is when I purposely struggle and then release that thing of value for something of greater value. For example, as an employee for a company, I may struggle to perform my duties, revealing the value I hold in my employment, and then sacrifice my hard work for a paycheck that I will then later sacrifice for food and other things. I struggle to create something of value, that I then sacrifice in order to gain things of greater value (to me) that I likely would not be able to struggle for myself.

An example of something I may not be able to struggle for myself directly is a house. While it is true I could spend my time and effort building a house, it is likely not something I will ever do myself. For one, my skills are generally not in the areas of construction. Also, in order to accomplish the many other things I need to accomplish, such as feeding myself, it may be inappropriate to spend so much time on my shelter. Instead, I choose to spend my time on fixing computers and helping people in other ways, generating income for myself. With time, I can accumulate enough wealth that I can sacrifice in exchange for a house that others have built, typically also involving some sort of financial institution whom I will have to beg for a loan from. A rather complicated transaction with many different parts, but clearly one where I am unable (or unwilling) to struggle myself directly for the house, instead struggling on other things and then sacrificing in order to accomplish my aim of a house.

There is much more I could say on this topic, but this is likely enough for my reader for now. Recognizing the transactional nature of my free choices in order to accomplish my projects is a big deal, as I see it. It is also why when I work a job for a company, I have learned not to get too caught up in the duties I am asked to perform. Within reason, of course. If I am asked to do tasks that I consider unethical, I may reveal the value of my ethics by declining such duties. However, if I am asked to clean the floor a second, and sometimes third time, even though I know that the floor is already clean, I can reveal how I value my employment and my relationship with my boss more than rubbing a wet mop across the floor.