Month: July 2022

The Genetic, the Conditioned, and the Unconditioned

crimson

In attempting to understand myself, and what I have often referred to as my duality, I have come to the following description:

Firstly, I am not some monolithic, atomic thing. My mind and my consciousness is not indivisible in nature. I am made up of an unfeasible to count amount of smaller sub elements. The precise nature of these sub elements I am unable to describe in detail. Only that the number rises and falls as the day progresses.

I often describe myself as like fire. All the sub elements are like flames, similar to what one might see when observing a candle burn. When I am awake, I am like a raging bon fire. My power and fury the culmination of massive amounts of these sub elements, all merged together into a seeming whole. The bon fire seems like it is one monolithic, atomic thing, but it clearly is not.

When I am deep asleep, I am like the left over coals, small flames flickering from time to time. The sub elements so few. My consciousness exists in either of these states at times, and all the states inbetween over time. I am not static in any way.

No single sub element is me. I am a collective. My identity somehow bound to the collection. I have sometimes heard it described as a persistent pattern, but the pattern changes wildly. I am not the same as I was mere moments ago. I am unrecognizable from what I was years ago. The changes can be terrifyingly drastic.

It would be a straw man to suggest I could take myself and break myself into differents sorts of categories. But it is sometimes helpful to view myself in different ways to better understand who and what I am, and what I continue to become.

One aspect of myself that I can describe is what I will call my Genetics. My Genetics is my facticity. That which I have inherited, often physically, from my parents or the world. My literal genes is a part of my Genetics.

My Genetics tell me about the aspects of myself which I have very little control over. When I say I was born a certain way, I am referring to this aspect of myself. If I believed in innateness, I would say that my Genetics includes those things about me that are innate.

While my Genetics seems fairly static, it is not. Through the other aspects, my Genetics can change over time, though generally quite slowly. A simple example might include when I exercise, building my muscles and fitness. Over time, as I become stronger, my Genetics will have changed in that way.

In the debate between Nature and Nurture, my Genetics is most closesly related to Nature, though clearly not quite the same. In the debate between the Empiricists and Rationalists, my Genetics do not really come up.

Another aspect of myself I will call my Conditioned. My Conditioned is the aspect of me given from the external. It includes all the training and education I have received. When my parents tell me that the world is a certain way, this becomes a part of my Conditioned. Testimony is often used to contribute to my Conditioned.

Unlike my Genetics, my Conditioned may not bear a strong resemblance to actual reality. Where my Genetics is bound to the rules of the universe in a very direct sense, my Conditioned floats freely. I can be told lies and misinformation that may end up bound to my Conditioned, negatively affecting my relationship with the world.

In the debate between Nature and Nurture, clearly my Conditioned is quite closely related to Nurture. In the debate between the Empiricists and Rationalists, my Conditioned strongly associates with the Empiricists.

Finally, I have an aspect of myself that I call my Unconditioned. Where the sources of my Conditioned come to me externally, my Unconditioned comes to me internally. My Unconditioned is the aspect of me who is self determining and autonomous. My Unconditioned is, in some sense, free.

Where others may educate me and contribute to my Conditioned, it is through reflection and reasoning that I build my Unconditioned. I often must use the skills and tools I have learned from the Conditioned in order to develop my Unconditioned. In this way, they are not as distinct as I might like. It would be a false dilemma to suggest that the Conditioned and Unconditioned were the only aspects of me of relevance.

In the debate between Nature and Nurture, my Unconditioned does not really have any solid ground to walk upon. In the debate between the Empiricists and the Rationalists, my Unconditioned would be most at home with the Rationalists.

I suspect there are other aspects of myself I might look for, but I think these three are sufficient for my discussion. Sufficient to try and understand my duality better.

What I often refer to as my duality is how I often feel like I have two minds about me. The mind I have referred to as the Light is most like the Conditioned. It is the part of me who understands what is expected of me by society and by others. My recognition of the rules and the ethics of the communities I belong to. Of when I try to conform and participate in those communities. To be what others want me to be.

The mind I have referred to as the Dark is most like the Unconditioned. It is the part of me who takes what he observes from the world, and paints his own picture of it. It is the part of me who is skeptical of the testimonies he receives and aims to figure things out for himself. The picture of the world the Dark paints is very unlike the picture the Light takes for granted.

It is this contradiction and conflict between the two sides of my duality that has caused me great anguish since I was very young. Hence why I found a way of describing them as the Light and the Dark. But today, I will do away with this duality, and start approaching my challenges using my new model.

Like the Light and the Dark, there is clearly a conflict between my Conditioned and my Unconditioned. I acknowledge that there are other aspects of myself, such as my Genetics, that may play a role in understanding. But for now, I will focus on these two.

As laid out earlier, my Conditioned receives its information from the external. Primarly through testimony. What I am told and how I was raised. I was trained that a man enjoys his beer. When I insisted that I did not like beer, it was not the model of a man that was questioned, it was me. As a man, clearly there was some sort of malfunction with me.

My Unconditioned receives its information from the internal. It was my Unconditioned that realized it did not like beer. It was also my Unconditioned that realized there was no reason I ought to consume the vile fluid. It asks questions like, “why ought I be a man?” If all men like beer, and I do not like beer, the logical conclusion to draw is that I must not be a man.

Perhaps the description of a man needs to be corrected or fixed. After all, all people tell me I am still a man. I still exhibit the characteristics of a man, do I not? Upon closer inspection, however, it seems perhaps I do not exhibit as many characteristics as many assume. Aside from my physical body, that which is a part of my Genetics, I do not necessarily exhibit so many “manly” traits.

So my Conditioned exclaims proudly that I must somehow be a woman if I am not a man. But this too raises issues. For my Unconditioned is quick to point out that I also do not exhibit many of the traits of woman either. Is the problem with me, or is the problem with these categories I am supposed to belong to?

Thus the fight ensues. The Conditioned, having been formally educated, will insist that I must fit squarely into one of these two categories. My Conditioned insists on the pursuit of a false dilemma. And if I do not fit into either category properly, I must be adjusted until I do. After all, these categories cannot possibly be wrong.

My Unconditioned is pensive. Perhaps the problem is the idea of categorizing in the first place. The idea that I need to fit into some box. Can I not simply be as I am? To feel as I do, authentically. Not trying to be one thing or another. Just allowing my mind to wander to wherever it naturally drifts to. To allow myself to be.

This is the debate in my head that has been going on for literal decades. That I feel as I feel. Those things that I feel are, often times, not appropriate according to society. Those desires that I have are taboo. So I have learned to hide myself. To not express myself. For fear of reprisal and scorn.

I have created the most elaborate mask for myself. Over the years, this mask has been adorned with the most precious jewels and metals. The sophistication so precise as to suggest refinement and superiority. But I confuse people, because though my mask is so pretty, I act differently.

My behavior is abhorrent at times. I say the most wicked things, when I am not censoring myself. I do not dress as my mask suggests I ought to be dressing. I do not present properly.

This is a big deal actually. The cues. In a world of men and women, there are a lot of cues. Cues to tell people who and what you are. If you present the wrong cues, people get confused. And when they get confused, they often lash out. People do not like things that are different. People do not like that which does not conform or fit nicely into the categories.

I am so well practiced now that I unconsciously conceal myself in crowds. My ability to be invisible is ridiculous. To not draw attention. It is so bad that I do not even crave it any longer. Well, that is not true. Like I think all creatures, I do crave attention. But I fear it as well. Because when one acquires attention from others, they do not get to select the positive from the negative. One simply receives all the attention.

For me, this is no longer about the Light and the Dark. Those words and ideas were rooted in the ideas of good and evil. The thought that there was an aspect of myself that needed to be purged or corrected. I have been called a monster in my past. For feeling the things that I felt. No respectable person feels as I do, I was told.

However, over the years, I have found that most people feel in ways that are unpopular. Most people have secrets. I think that most people have a Conditioned and an Unconditioned, though they may not think of it as I am now. A part of them that they wish to promote, and a part they wish to remove. I think most people feel a lot of guilt, especially for feeling things they believe they ought not feel.

I am reminded of a popular interpretation of love, of cheating. I am told by many that one who cheats on their partner within the mind is still cheating. If this is true, I suspect that every person in every relationship will have cheated on their partner at least once. Probably a lot more than just once.

People feel as they feel. When they feel something that is unpopular, they often feel guilt. There are whole religions based on this simple idea. Hence why I believe many religions were simply created to ensure conformity within larger populations. Guilt is a very powerful emotion. Guilt motivates people strongly.

Instead, for me, I shed myself of guilt. Of concern for feeling as I feel. I feel, and it is okay. It may still matter how I act upon my feelings, as I do still have to live in a world occupied by others. But the mere feeling of a thing should not preclude my own existence in the world.

My mind, my identity, is bound in insanity. An unresolvable puzzle, between what I am told and what I observe. My Conditioned and my Unconditioned. I do not think there is an answer. I simply must allow myself to exist as best I can between the various extremes.

Idiocracy: Terrifyingly Accurate

crimson

After a long day of work, or even after returning from a nice vacation, my partner and I will sit down and turn on the television to watch a show. Our desire for the novel often finds us seeking out entertainment that we have not yet witnessed. Spectacle is certainly pervasive.

In seeking out our entertainment, we often take risks. The risk that a particular show or story will not be nearly as impressive or thought provoking as something we have seen in the past. Recently, our journey brought us to Snowflake Mountain.

Like any good train wreck, we had watched several episodes before my partner finally put her foot down. We simply could not watch this reality series any further after the disaster that ensued for the bit we did somehow tolerate. This show is so bad, we had to place it among such greats as Battlefield Earth.

Briefly, the show follows a group of rather entitled, very privileged, young adults who have been tricked into attending survival training in the wilderness. However, to say tricked may not entirely be accurate, as it seems clear after the opening episode, that these people are remaining entirely out of their own volition. In fact, it is almost as if they had decided to attend to try and better themselves.

Thus, the first major issue with this show is the inconsistent, often contradictory information the audience receives regarding the status of the contestants and what may or may not be going on. This is quickly followed up with the obvious issue with their alleged instructors, who themselves are equally entitled, privileged, and young. Of course, the instructors allegedly come from far more qualifying backgrounds, having allegedly served in the military.

I am by no means an expert at survival in the wilderness, but I confess an interest in such things. It started when my partner took a liking to the series Naked and Afraid. If you are not already aware, the level of fabrication in that show boggles the mind. When stacked against the likes of the History Channel’s Alone series, there is a great deal of wonder how inexperienced people with no clothing and the option of merely one object to take with them are able to survive longer than experienced survivalists with over 20 survival items as well as the clothes on their back.

The inconsistencies in Snowflake Mountain are hard enough to take, but the contestants themselves are somehow worse. Their inability to navigate basic social interactions with other people make me wonder how they have survived this long in an urban setting, never mind something more rustic. Are these people real? I am convinced they must be actors playing a part.

It is as if the definition the show offers, that a snowflake is “a young person who is considered overly emotional, easily offended, and dramatic,” was actually used in order to generate characters of appropriate stereotyping to meet the show’s requirements. If people like this actually exist in our modern world, God help us all.

Another noteworthy mention includes deciding that using a hachet to chop down a tree is reasonable (and safer) than using a proper axe. My god, the contestants hand is mere inches from the strike zone, and the instructors seem to find this acceptable. Of course, those with keen eyes may have noticed that the tree was prepared ahead of time, its upper trunk secured with ropes before they even begin. Whew, thank God they were keeping safety in mind for these poor snowflakes.

I am ranting. I apologize. Best to get to the point of all this.

There was a film that came out in 2006 entitled Idiocracy. It was a comedy, offering an extremely cynical view of what our future might hold. The premise is simple enough: consider that those in our society who seem to contribute the most are too busy to procreate, leaving those who are bleeding the social systems dry to fill the empty spaces with their offspring. Such a situation would seem to suggest that those genetically gifted with higher intelligence and greater innate abilities will be weeded out of the gene pool, given a sufficient amount of time, lowering the average global intelligence of all populations on this planet. Thus, the story spends most of its time about 500 years in our future, in a world that results from such circumstances.

When the audience is first introduced to one of these future people, we find him sitting in the laziest La-Z-Boy to have ever graced existence, complete with built in toilet, so one never has to miss their favorite show. And we find this person watching an incredibly large, 100 inch screen only a couple feet from his face. Sounds like at home IMAX, if not for the inhuman amount of advertising on the screen. There are so many ads surrounding the actual content, that the content itself is contained in a box smaller than most people’s modern laptop monitors.

And why stop there. The content is itself incredibly important. This man is watching his favorite show. It is actually most people’s favorite show we later find out. The title of this show is Ow! My Balls! A reality show where the protagonist is pummeled with an array of objects to his groin.

As the story progresses, the audience is provided many, many more examples of how the ethics and morality have degenerated over the centuries, suggesting that popular coffee shops, like Starbucks, now offer handjobs as part of their combination deals.

The show is meant to be funny. The story is entirely tongue in cheek. Anyone who thinks this show is even attempting to say anything serious ought to be drawn and quartered. And yet, here I am suggesting that it has something rather important to say.

When stacked up to the likes of 2001: A Space Odyssey, or even my dear Ghost in the Shell, it is immediately clear that the picture Idiocracy paints is far, far more likely to take place. In fact, as is indicated by the very title of the former, in 2001 we have barely left this planet, let alone colonized the moon or sent our first manned mission to Jupiter. In the latter, we are only a few years away from cyberbrains, allegedly to appear on the market as soon as 2029; that is less than 7 years from now.

I won’t go into the issues with mind/body dualism here. Only that I think Ghost in the Shell cannot be as a result of a misunderstanding regarding how human minds and bodies relate to one another. Nor will I dwell on the fact that many of the events taking place over the past two years would seem to suggest a complete reversal of the “progress” humans have achieve over the past hundred.

Were I to take a moment and try to predict the future as I think it would unfold, considering that I was a child during a time when there were no laptops, no cellular phones (never mind smartphones), no iPods, barely tone phones, no CDs, no DVDs, barely home computers, no Internet, etc… I would suggest that the next hundred years will look much like the previous, except for there being a much grander illusion of change. That is, human activity will, I think, continue to behave in much the same fashion as it has for the past two millennia, with the wealthy and powerful continuing to oppress and exploit the majority of people, utilizing the tools of mass manipulation (such as marketing and propaganda and religion and government), in order to get what they want. The technology will change, sure. It will appear that things get easier, though the reverse will be the case.

There is only one thing that I think can stop the engine of humanity dead in its tracks, and that will be the Earth itself. Mother Nature. Maybe. As we clearly do not understand it as well as we might like or think that we do, it is hard to say whether the world is really coming to an end right now. Hard to say whether the amount of damage we have caused will really end all life, or even simply human life, or whether the former or the latter will simply continue in some evolved form or another.

I am reminded of a book I read as a child: The Last Gasp. Trevor Hoyle suggests that when the end comes, though the Earth will be unable to sustain human life, and probably many others, life itself will find a way and another species better adapted to the new environment will gain dominance. As Charles Darwin suggested, it will truly be survival of the fittest.