projects – The Crimson Cyborg

I’ve heard it said that love is the most powerful force in the universe. Love, above all other emotions or experiences, is supposed to be the most profound thing in existence. When it is described in these ways, it suggests to me that love may possibly be simply a manifestation of the most profound experience the person who is using the term has ever had. If I am correct, then love is not the same thing for one person as it is for another. In fact, this all seems to suggest that love is highly descriptive of a type of experience, but not of a particular experience itself.

There are at least three terms used by the ancient Greeks that are frequently translated to “love” in English. “Eros” is often described as being physical love, often related to the sexual affections modern people express towards one another. This leads to terms such as “erotic,” which I imagine already paints a particular picture in my reader’s mind. This term alone is complicated and controversial enough to cause problems for many people. It is often seen as an appreciation of beauty, which immediately raises the question of what makes something or someone beautiful.

There are some who suggest that eros can be concerned with an internal quality of a person, but I do not agree with this understanding. The “internal” quality that is focused on is that quality that brings about the “external” beauty or perfection in the thing being appreciated. In other words, it is not the “internal” quality that is appreciated, it is how it has manifested “externally” that calls attention in the admirer. If I exercise frequently and succeed in improving the musculature of my chest, it is my muscular chest that is loved, not the fact that I habituated myself to exercise. This is how I understand eros, as an appreciation of a sort of beauty, but one that is physical and outside a person. Eros is concerned with the surface, and what is immediately perceivable. Or, to put it slightly different, eros is concerned with immediate gratification.

Thinking in this way, eros can be related to such things as lust or infatuation. When I see another person, if I believe that I have fallen “in love at first sight,” then I am expressing eros, because the love that I want to express is concerned with what is immediately perceivable. For example, perhaps I appreciate how that other person looks, either their body or their attire or any number of other immediate qualities. I know nothing about their character, their habits, their interests, or their projects, so how could I possibly express any other sort of appreciation. Perhaps, if I observe the person for a period of time, I might develop other appreciations, based on their actions and movements, but then I will be moving beyond simple eros into something else.

“Philia” is usually associated with an appreciation for the less immediate qualities of something, especially as it approaches a sort of perfection. For example, the term “philosophy” is usually translated into a “love of wisdom,” where the “philo” is the “love of” and the “sophy” is the “wisdom.” Philia is frequently associated with deep friendships and comradery, suggesting that the appreciation needs to be developed over time. After all, it is through our shared experiences and the building of trust that deep friendships come about. I do not become lifelong friends with another person upon meeting them for the first time. Through a long term exposure to the other person, where I am able to observe their actions and choices, and how those actions and choices affect the world, I may develop a growing love for that person. It is possible for me to appreciate other things in a similar fashion as well. I may immediately experience eros for a car, seeing its sleek appearance and smooth curves, but then I will need to test drive that car to understand how it responds to my driving it to be able to appreciate it on another level. I would argue that philia requires a bit more exposure than a simple test drive, but the idea is there. Through time, being able to observe the subject of my appreciation at length, can I develop philia for that particular subject.

Philia is not a love that happens immediately. There is no “love at first sight” that is philia. A deep connection with another person takes time, and there are no guarantees that it will develop in a particular pairing. I may spend time with another person and through my observations of them (perhaps they are cruel or messy or dismissive) I may not ever develop feelings of this sort of love. I may pursue a relationship on the basis of eros, but never fulfill the requirements of philia. On the other hand, perhaps through many experiences of philia with various people, I may begin to feel an appreciation for a wider, intangible thing such as humanity.

“Agape” is the term used to describe a sort of unconditional appreciation. Instead of requiring some sort of observation of the subject, whether immediate or mediate, I appreciate the subject simply in virtue of my association with that subject. I am human, and other humans share something with me, what I might call my humanity. I can appreciate other humans, even those I have never experienced, simply in virtue of their being humans too. Another example of agape is the unconditional appreciation of a parent for their children; their love is not a reflection of an appreciation of their appearance nor of their habituated actions and choices. A parent loves their children simply because they are the parent’s children, and not necessarily for any other reason. This is agape.

Agape seems like it ought to be immediate, like eros, but it is not. To experience agape, one needs to build up to it, in a way. It can be viewed as a sort of expansion or widening of experience and appreciation. If I experience eros once, and only once, I have no basis for anything else. I cannot consider why I love one thing versus another. If I experience eros many times, I can reflect on my experiences and begin to consider what it is about each of those experiences that is common and not common. Why do I find one car beautiful but not another, or one tree beautiful but not another. Similarly with philia. Through my experiences, and especially my observations, I can reflect on what about my friends makes them my friends. In my life, I have often found that my friends are my friends through common morality and similar world view. We behave in similar fashions, being charitable at similar times.

For me personally, through extensive reflection, I have come to realize that I appreciate certain behaviors and habits. When I observe similar behaviors and habits, I am drawn to those performing those behaviors and habits. I wish to observe them further, and see if they are consistent. And if they are, I tend to prefer to associate with those people. I would describe my behavior as a project of love. I begin with eros, seeing something I consider attractive (for any number of reasons). It is eros because it is immediate, but I also recognize that my feelings are subject to change with further observation. I have to start with eros because it is at the beginning; I have no experience of the subject at this point, or at least very little to begin with.

Having been lured in through eros, I take time to “get to know” my subject. I spend time with them and listen and learn about them. I watch closely to what they do and how they are; what choices they make, and how they conduct themselves. How a person moves is quite significant for me. Through time, my appreciation for the subject grows. If I am lucky, it grows into philia. I can still appreciate them immediately, through eros, but I can also appreciate them mediately, through philia. My love for the subject grows and become more and more over time.

You might have expected me to suggest that my philia for my subject will eventually grow into agape for my subject, but that is not the case, because agape is not about the subject. Philia is the height of my appreciation for my subject, becoming lifelong friends and comrades. Through many such relationships, I can develop agape, but it does not focus on an individual, unless perhaps that individual is me. That I have developed within me an appreciation for all beings of a particular nature. For me to be able to love unconditionally, not because of the subject itself, but because the subject belongs to a category, and I can appreciate the category. I love my son, not because I love the person that my son is, but because he is my son, and being my son is sufficient for that love.

I acknowledge that not everyone has the same sorts of experiences I have. My reader likely has lived a very different life than I have lived. Perhaps you have different experiences and different observations of the world, and that has led you to different conclusions about love. However, this has been my experience. For me, love is a journey, not a destination. I do not achieve love, I experience an ongoing love through my experiences with various subjects. This also means that I can easily “fall out of love” if I am not careful.

To put this another way, for me love is something that I constantly create. If I want love in my life, I have to constantly work at it. It is not something out there to be discovered, and once I find it I have it forever. Love, for me, is something I generate by my actions and choices. I work at making love in the world and in my life. If I stop making love in the world, then I will not have love. So I have made it a part of my life to generate love in the world and in my life. Kind of like deciding to eat healthy foods so I can enjoy a strong and energetic body, I choose to generate love in my life. For me, love cannot be a destination.

A couple posts ago I posed a problem; a seeming disconnect between one having low expectations of the world they inhabit, and their being properly motivated to complete their projects. In this post, I will address this concern. However, to do this, I need to discuss another concept that I’m sure my audience will be familiar with: the distinction between the “journey” and the “destination.”

Much folk wisdom suggests that the journey is much more important than the destination. Or perhaps it would be more fair to say that the journey is as important as the destination. But what is this journey and destination stuff exactly? To be perfectly clear about these ideas, when one decides upon a project, one has decided upon a destination of a sort. Deciding upon a project is to begin a process toward the completion of that project. One needs to determine, in some sense, how the project will be completed, what actions or tasks need to be done or even simply how to know that the project has been accomplished successfully. The things that need to be done in order to accomplish the project constitute the journey, while the completion of the project is the destination.

The analogy of travelling to completion of projects is imperfect, but fairly reliable. In order to accomplish one’s projects, one need to do various activities, and these activities might be considered sub-projects in their own right. However, all that is accomplished during the process of trying to complete the over arching project can all be as important as the project itself. Take for example the process of making a cake. To make a cake, depending on the sort of cake that is being made, there will be a need to assemble and mix a batter that will be baked, often in an oven, and then after the baking has been completed, an icing will be applied. Each of these sub-projects, the mixing of batter, the baking, and the application of icing, each has its own sub-projects as well. To apply icing, one will first need to assemble and mix ingredients to make the icing, or to bake the batter one will first need to turn on an oven and wait for it to achieve the correct internal temperature. Completing each sub-project is just as important as completing the over arching project. In fact, not completing one of the sub-projects may prevent the over arching project from being completed at all. Anyone who has missed an ingredient, or accidentally added the wrong ingredient (such as adding baking soda instead of baking powder) will understand what I am talking about.

Making a cake may seem like a silly project for me to talk about, but it is a project that many people engage in, especially recently with the pandemic encouraging most of us to stay home. Furthermore, the making of a cake is often itself a sub-project to another over arching project, such as celebrating a loved one’s birthday or anniversary. Projects are plentiful in most of our lives.

Considering the hierarchical nature of projects and sub-projects may shed some light into the relative importance that is assigned to each of these projects. For instance, mixing the batter successfully and baking it successfully may be considered more important than icing it well. After all, if the icing is a bit off, it will still taste good and as my father used to say to me, “it is all going to the same place anyway.” In this way, I assign values to each of my projects, emphasizing certain projects for completion over others. For me personally, I also tend to consider the ability to automate projects into my calculations; that is, if I can begin a project that will continue unattended, I give priority to starting those sorts of projects over the sorts of projects that require my undivided attention for the duration of the project. That way, it seems like I accomplish many more projects at the same time than others around me. I seem more efficient.

With all this in mind, it seems like the journey toward a destination is filled with many sub-destinations. My journey is likely filled with a plethora of sub-destinations, all of which I consider equally important in my over arching journey of my life. My journey has already taken me literally to reside in various parts of the world, some for longer periods than others. The simple occupation of different physical locations has, for me, profoundly increased my appreciation for the diversity of the world, both human and otherwise. I would suggest that it is my experiences in this regard that have tempered the world view that I am now extolling.

This also may subtly suggest why the journey might be considered more important than the destination. Consider that my over arching destination for my life is that I will one day expire. What’s more, I do not know what the particular conditions of my demise will be like. I don’t plan to die in a particular manner at a particular time. In fact, my general plan is to try to remain living for as long as I am able to do so. In other words, the over arching destination of my life project is not a destination that I am encouraged to consider in great detail. The journey toward that destination, for me at least, is clearly more significant to me, and something I would much rather focus on.

This example also suggests that, at least in some cases, the destination or project one has may not be one that they wish to accomplish, or perhaps would prefer to delay as much as they are able to. In a case like this, one may want to extend their journey for as long as they are able to, acquiring as may successful sub-projects as they can along the way. The journey really is more important than the destination in these cases.

This now provides a bit of an answer the the original question of how one with a low set of expectations may still be motivated to complete their projects. If one’s expectations of their over arching projects is low, then the particular journey required to achieve that project becomes less important. That is, instead of needing to follow a path that leads directly to their destination, one could decided to follow a path that is more indirect, filled with many sub-destinations. Even more than this, precisely which sub-destinations are taken become less important as well, as there is no longer the need for an efficient journey to the over arching destination. To use another folk phrase, one can “stop and smell the roses” on their journey.

It should still be emphasized that some projects may be important enough or significant enough to warrant following the most efficient and direct path to their achievement as can possibly be found. Time sensitive situations, such as emergencies involving life and death frequently fall into this category. However, not every situation is an emergency or involves life and death. And the over arching project we each have of our very lives is certainly not the sort of project we would want to follow the most efficient path to its successful accomplishment of. At least, this is what I believe; I am sure there are some out there who will disagree with this valuation.

In my next post, I will discuss a particular project that I think is quite prevalent for most people. A project that I believe most people approach as a project that requires an efficient and quick journey toward, but that I will argue actually requires the sort of slow, delayed journey I have just described. That project, is love.

Tag: projects

Love is a Journey

The Journey and the Destination